Not Fair

Last night I was thinking of my cousin Shabnam, she passed away in her 28s...cancer...a very bad one. God, if a person shall die, let her/him die fast and with no pain. She suffered lots of pain, out of anyones imagination. We could only watch her suffering and couldn't do anything. After 8 months of pain I even asked her doctor if he can do anything to set her free! I couldn't see her like that. They said it's not allowed even if they know there is no hope. A very beautiful girl was turning to a weak thin person...in the middle of her success, she was just graduating, had just started a good job...had just found someone to love...why her?! why exatly in the begining of her success? why like that?
One thing that was so painful for us, was that she had so much hope, or maybe she pretended she has! She never gave up, we only saw her crying sometimes and she used to complain about the pain! Never said she is tired, never said she wants to die sooner, all she was saying was that she doesn't know how ever she's gonna thank the ones who take care of her and heal her! Meaning she thought she would be on her feet some day...but that day never came.
Sometimes I wish I talked to her more...to know how she thinks when she was in bed 24 hours. But I didn't dare. I just wanted to make her happy, tell her jokes and make her laugh in last months of her life. Couldn't talk about the big sorrow, I just had to pretent that she would be all right.
Did she really knew she was gonna die?
I watched when they were washing her body...her white hands that I used to touch, her lips that used to have a smile on, her body was damaged; opperations, weakness, laying on bed for months had it's affects on her beautiful body, no sign of her beautiful long black hair...that used to make her even more beautiful...
It's hard loosing somebody we love. It's even harder watching them in pain.