Let Her Life Go On

Here I am, sitting, trying not to think about what I have decided to forget. Trying to live, to forgive, trying to kill the flashbacks, to mute the sounds, to ignore the scenes...

Before, I thought people can forget if they want to, but seems it's not like that at all. We don't forget, we just get used to not think about it, and it can all come back into our minds with a single fillip, with either a music, a smell, a certain place or at certain times - days,hours or minutes.

Actually it's the best God could've given to us, the ability to forget, or it's better put this way: the ability of not thinking about what's gone. Otherwise we would not survive; if case of loosing someone, death or...


I am doing my best to let go, but... would he let me do that? Would he stop sending messages? Would he stop sending emails? Would he leave me alone with my own problems? Would he understand? is he this selfish? this cruel?

Does he think it was easy for me all these time? Does he think it is easy now? Does he think I am a statue?! without a sense, without a herat? Does he think everybody is like himself? cruel?

Someone please tell him if you made your choice, if we decided to end this, we should try doing it. Life is not a game, not at this age, it's more serious than what we used to think of it at our younger ages.

We should fight for things we want to get; which I don't think he did at all; If we think it's not the right thing, it's not the right road, then we should change our direction. We should find it somewhere else, in someone else; Yes it is hard, we have only one heart, I know, I know better than anyone, I have suffered more than anyone, it's the worst thing that can happen in anybody's life, that's why we have to be careful at the very begining, but if we made a mistake, then we have to suffer, no other choice we have; then such days will come, days of feeling loneliness, days of sorrow, days of sadness.

There must be someone else in this world who understands me, who loves me as I am, who believes in me. A certain time is enough to make the other person believe in you, if it didn't work then there is a problem. A very big problem. Relationship is not a force. Love is not swearing, love is not teasing, love is not threatening, love is none of above, that's why he is no longer having a place in my life, not even as an old friend. He was not my friend, even very far friends, the ones he used to call NOT FRIENDS don't ever do that.

He doesn't get it, I wish he did. I wish he was the one I thought he is. I wish he was a man, I wish he knew what he wants, I wish he had a courage to follow his needs, his heart.

I wish he was stable, stable on his beliefs, stable on what he gained through all these months, stable on his wishes.

I wish he could at least understand me, me whom he used to call a friend, I wish he could understand me instead of forcing me his ideas, forcing me to believe that other people are bad, that they don't want the best for me. I wish he wasn't this picky, he has no idea how much he hurt me.

I have lost a friend whom I thought was the best friend; but I was wrong; he was not a friend, not an epsilon. He was my enemy...maybe he was from the first begining.

they say:
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.

I don't want to be wise in this case!